It’s A Razor Renaissance – Apparently We’ve Reached ‘Peak Beard’
A new study reveals that we need to rid ourselves of facial fuzz immediately
Every other wayfarer in Shoreditch has got one. In fact, this trends been so prevalent that even your bloody dad has caught on to it. Or maybe he’s just kept that and the mutton chops since the ’70s… You forget.
Women like them. We feel like they add a layer of furry testosterone above the neck and the bigger ones get bragging rights. It’s like a silent indicator of manly hierarchy.
Well, they’re done now, apparently.
Once, we assumed that women gravitated towards the bearded because, subconsciously, they assumed facial hair growth denoted hunter-gatherer tendencies and the ability to father strong offspring, or something.
Whereas now it turns out to be a simple case of wanting whatever’s in short supply. The grass is always greener and all that.
Robert Brooks of the University of NSW has discovered that beards are only really attractive if there are only a few of them around. A bunch of people shown loads of different faces, with varying degrees of facial hair growth, signalled the bearded men as appealing only when they came at a point in the sequence where bearded faces were scarce.
Likewise, they pointed to the clean shaven men as having more allure, only when their naked faces popped up in a thicket of otherwise furry mugs.
And now that everyone, their dog and your dad has caught on to beards as a trend, it seems that women are starting to get turned off.
Considering that some idiots have even recently gone in for a beard transplant in a bid to look more Hoxton, this is coming to come as a serious blow.
And what will @RickiFuckinHall do? He’ll be out of a job!
What do you reckon about the beard trend? Let us know @xwhymagazine.
Featured Image: Mike Carroll
Smiley Beard Man: Mike Mozart
Scary Beard Man: Jpotisch
Ricki Fuckin Hall: Ricki Fuckin Hall…duh.