How To: Make A Freakin’ Decision

Mike’s guide to tying your shoe laces and beyond…

The first three decisions of any day tend to be the easiest. “Do I get out of bed now or snooze the alarm?.”

Times three.

Itʼs once we get passed that that things start to get tricky.

“Should I text her now or after work?”

“Can I fit in one pint before catching the train?”

“Should I adopt this ageing stray dog?”


The world is an assault course of decisions. From the moment you wake up, ’til the minute you sit down in front of Breaking Bad. Some are big, some are small, some are totally inane, but regardless, they all have to be made.

Successful people are renowned for managing their life by limiting the number of decisions they have to make to just the big ones. They do this by way of delegation – give the smaller ones to someone else!

Let’s face it, Barack Obama isn’t presiding over the merit of mustard coloured socks in the Oval Office. He’s too busy deciding whether to eat cornflakes before embarking on WWIII.


Whether I will become a political powerhouse or a multimillionaire and business owner is still in question. As such, I have had to develop my own coping mechanisms in order to deal with the heavy weight that decision making presses on my narrow shoulders. Take note kids.

Be Selfish

By and large, all living beings are self serving. It is only humans that feel the need to pretend they arenʼt.

Donʼt get me wrong, we all want to see our friends and family do well. And, generally, there is no one that we would reaaaaally like to see dead.

That being said, if itʼs a choice between me standing for the entire of the journey into Waterloo or the guy whoʼs a little bit further away from the seat with a heavy bag. Iʼm afraid heʼs going to have a frightfully long journey. I’ll be storing up all my fucks to be given at a more opportune moment.

In most circumstances, the choices that you make should be for the benefit of you and you alone. Itʼs a dog eats dog world, every man for himself and so on. Donʼt be the last to catch onto this little pearl of wisdom.

Call in the Experts

If, after the third or fourth draft of your pros and cons list, you are still unsure what to do for the best, it may be time to get some help.

Once you’ve seen the psychiatrist, then enlist the help of another.

This “other”, however, rarely means girlfriend, and definitely never means your parent. If their advice hasn’t helped you by now, you’re virtually unhelpable and you need to call in the cavalry.


The important thing here is to make sure that he or she is the right person for the job. Never ask a single mate about pleasing a woman or an X-Factor enthusiast for their music expertise.

Indecision is Worse Than Wrong Decision

Time pressure makes making your mind up that much harder.

However, if you wait too, long the choice will be taken out of your hands, leaving you with something you didn’t have control over. And nobody likes that.

The real problem with this is that pretty much every time this happens, you’ll realise the option that was removed is the one you wanted all along. It’s sod’s law or something. Regretting a missed opportunity will trump the disappointment of a wrong decision every single time.

Like they say, If you havenʼt made a mistake then you havenʼt learnt anything.

Go With Your Gut

The more complex a decision, the easier it is to over think it.

Short term, medium term, long term. The options will swirl around your mind like a ladybird in a toilet, until they eventually disappear into a cerebral vortex, leaving you blank and no closer to a conclusion.

Instead of making room for every new thought and its resultant ramification, just stop at the first one.

How often have you gone on a second date after a first encounter that was a level up from watching paint dry?

The worst kiss/hand-job/sex of your life, twice, with the same person, is not big and it is not clever.

Intuition may not be measurable or provable but it sure is but it sure is compelling. Go with your gut and live with it.

If All Else Fails

Toss a coin. Seriously.


I mean at least you can say it was in the hands of the Gods/fate when you decide to buy the red velour sweatshirt from American Apparel (not quite sure we can safely bring it back yet, but Iʼm gonna try), or the flights to Ibiza that you canʼt afford.

Two of the greatest things in life are spontaneity and frivolity and yet the logicians among us would make them the scariest things we face. Well boo to them, they won’t be monging out all day and all night in DC-10 this summer, trying to avoid booking an expensive hotel room.

Get that 50p out of your pocket, take logic out of the equation and let the dopamine flow. Problem solved!

WORDS: Michael Thomas

Featured Image: Gabriel

Confused Dog: Mika Hiltunen

Tartan Socks: Jasmology

Follow Me To Marques de Larios: Leo Hidalgo

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