How To: #BecomingAnAdultTips – 7
The things you never knew you needed to know…
Becoming an adult is a troublesome process. Few people make it out of adulthood alive. Whether you’re scraping twenty-one or hitting forty, there is always another mistake you didn’t know you needed to make as part of your overall growing process. Basically, this is a compilation of things you didn’t know you needed to know. I’ve done the research, the groundwork and a lot of really stupid sh** so that you don’t have to. From paddling pools to pirate costumes, achieving adult status is not always what it seems…
Tip #6 – Everyone grows out of dares, no one grows out of being an idiot.
Dares are immature, obviously.
You’re an adult now and you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do, particularly if said thing is dangerous, could get you deported, paralysed or cavity searched.
Hey, don’t get me wrong, we all love having stories to tell, and in the past, dares were a good way to get a great story off to a disastrous start. We want all of our friends, acquaintances, and that guy that Steve brought home from work who’s a bit of a dick, to think that we’re that kind of cool, fun cat who’ll get stuck-the-fuck in regardless of consequences.
Well, reality check, dude, you aren’t a cool cat anymore. You have commitments and a steady income. You’re also way too old now to cross your fingers and hope for a verdict of “boys will be boys” when you break an expensive piece of building equipment after you were dared to climb the crane singing “I Am an Apeman”.
Sadly, something I have learnt on my journey down the rocky road to adulthood is that the days of dares are in the past. I have hung up my “how many tequila shots can you put up your nose?” hat, taken off my “lick that stranger’s face” boots and left to rust my spurs of “you could never fit that in your mouth”.
Yes, I chose to depict myself as some retiring “dare cowboy”, deal with it, I’m an adult and I can be a cowboy if I want. Continuing with this completely apt analogy, I have actually realised that when you ride off into the sunset, leaving the childish days of dares behind, staring longingly after you from the dusty town of youth like a jilted lover, it is not the end. What gradually appears over the horizon is a whole new phenomenon, promising years of “cool cat” status and unnecessary hospital visits, it’s called “How Long Can You Do That Before You Get Tazed”, and it, my friends, is glorious. Dare I may not, but idiot I still am.