How To: #Becominganadulttips – 3

The things you never knew you needed to know…

Becoming an adult is a troublesome process. Few people make it out of adulthood alive. Whether you’re scraping twenty-one or hitting forty, there is always another mistake you didn’t know you needed to make as part of your overall growing process. Basically, this is a compilation of things you didn’t know you needed to know. I’ve done the research, the groundwork and a lot of really stupid sh** so that you don’t have to. From paddling pools to pirate costumes, achieving adult status is not always what it seems…

Tip #3 – Everyone has a drinking vessel soul mate.

Some soul searching and a lot of experimentation has led me to the point where I can say that I have truly found the one. Her name is Sheila, and she is a plastic wine glass.
Sheila was put in the dishwasher some time ago (apparently plastic melts) and is now undeniably wonky. Despite being vertically challenged, she can still stand and hold an impressive amount of cheap red near-vinegar, albeit at a slant.

wonky wine glass2
She and I meander together through the hallways of drunkenness that, as far as I’m aware, comprise the majority of adult life. When I gesticulate belligerently about the exact method with which we should kill Jedward, I can blame my red wine spillage on her wonk, and I can always rest easy in the knowledge that she won’t judge me for my life choices like those other, uppity wine glasses, because, well, she’s just a bit shit…
The message I bequeath you today, then, in my most misty “Dumbledore stares off into the distance” voice, is that, with a little perseverance and a real dedication to making bad life choices, one day you too will find your soul mate, be it a soup bowl or a children’s tea set…

 

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